


Ice and Fire

by ThisIsLitaE



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst and Feels, Barisi - Freeform, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Figure Skater Rafael Barba, Ice Skating, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Memories, Secrets, Sweet, figure skating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:08:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27941279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThisIsLitaE/pseuds/ThisIsLitaE
Summary: When Rafael refuses to go ice skating, Dominick believes it’s because his boyfriend doesn’t know how to skate. The assumption couldn’t be further from the painful truth.
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 46





	Ice and Fire

**Author's Note:**

> Finally managed to work the figure skating idea I've had for a while. We're talking Pride Month, here.  
> There is the assumption that if Barisi went ice skating, Rafael would be hopeless. But what if he wasn't?  
> Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoy this!

_After all the hours of jump training, the moment of truth had finally arrived. Rafael took a deep breath and skated gracefully along the ice. He prepared his body to execute the triple lutz he’d performed many times during practice. Once in position, Rafael leapt off the ice and trusted his instincts. A beautiful vision in lilac, he soared through the air…_

Rafael Barba shivered as he stared out onto the Central Park ice rink. Despite the layers he wore, a cold feeling washed over him. He didn’t know why he’d agreed when Dominick suggested they go ice skating with Olivia Benson and her son, Noah. All it did was bring up memories of a pre-teen life which he’d long buried.

As the four of them headed towards the skate hire booth, Rafael watched all the other people enjoying themselves on the ice. Whether they skated with ease or clung to the railing, everyone else seemed to be having fun. Rafael couldn’t help but envy them. He’d twice tried to get back on the ice since he’d quit figure skating, neither time ending happily.

Noah hopped up and down, excited about getting his skates. “Kaitlin from dance class said she can do spins and jumps on ice. I want to try!”

“You should be careful, sweetie,” Olivia cautioned, with a squeeze to her son’s shoulder. “Kaitlin gets special training to dance on ice.”

“Plus, you wouldn’t want to be doing tricks in hire skates,” Rafael added before he could stop himself. “They aren’t really designed for it and they never fit properly, anyway.”

Noah pondered what Rafael had said, before looking to his mother. “Then can I get my own skates for Christmas?”

Once they joined the line for skate hire, an arm slid around Rafael’s body, easing him into a warm embrace. He turned to meet the eyes of his boyfriend, Detective Dominick Carisi. A smile came to Rafael’s face. For the first time since arriving at the rink, there was no dread.

“Since when do you know so much about hire skates?” Dominick asked, eyebrows raised in curiosity.

Rafael’s smile faded as a lie escaped his lips. “You pick stuff up.”

He leaned into Dominick’s arms, staring out at the ice rink once again. Off towards the corner there was a young girl, spinning beautifully on her own pair of skates. Rafael became emotional at the sight. It reminded him of when he’d mastered spinning moves of his own. Shaking his head, he stepped out of the skate hire line.

“I think I’m going to sit this one out, I’m not feeling too well,” Rafael explained, unable to look any of them in the eye.

Olivia placed a compassionate hand on his arm. “Are you okay?”

“You’ll have to have your fun without me,” Rafael replied quickly. “Excuse me.”

Rafael rushed away, his heart beating fast with anxiety. Images of a fire filled his mind, so vivid that he could practically smell the smoke. It felt hard to breathe. His cheeks began to burn as he blinked back tears. Hearing the footsteps at his back, Rafael noticed that Dominick had followed him.

“Rafi, wait, talk to me.” Dominick’s voice was filled with concern. Once he was close enough, he cupped Rafael’s cheeks. “Do you need me to sit with you for a while?”

“No, it’s okay,” Rafael said, brushing his lips to one of Dominick’s palms. “Don’t worry about me.”

“Listen, if you’re nervous about falling over I promise I’ll hold your hand the whole time.” Dominick gave Rafael a reassuring grin, gesturing back towards the rink. “I know this isn’t your thing, but you’ll do fine once you get the hang of it.”

Rafael pulled back in frustration and snapped, “Stop pushing it, Dominick. I’m not in the mood to skate.”

The expression on Dominick’s face filled Rafael with guilt. He hadn’t told the man he loved about his figure skating past. There never seemed to be an appropriate time to bring it up. More than anything, Rafael wished he could enjoy skating again, and share it with someone special.

“Then why did you agree to come with us!” Dominick waved Rafael off, in a huff. “Whatever, I’ll see you later.”

Rafael sighed as he watched Dominick walking away. His boyfriend’s heart was in the right place, even if his assumptions were way off. Taking one last glance at the skating rink, Rafael figured it was time for the truth to come out. Grabbing his phone, he walked towards the closest park entrance and organised an Uber to his mother’s apartment.

****

Sitting down on his couch at home, Rafael stared at the box he had collected from his mother. It contained all that survived from his figure skating days. The box had originally been stashed at his grandparents, to avoid Rafael’s father finding the equipment. As the years passed, no-one had the heart to get rid of any of it. Just knowing what was inside brought up a wave of nostalgia.

Rafael opened the box, immediately spotting his lilac coloured costume. He let out a soft chuckle when he picked it up, feeling the material in his hands. It had been his favourite costume, which he liked to wear for the times he managed to compete. His abuelita had kept it safe, along with his skates, secretly hoping Rafael would one day wear them again.

Underneath the costume was a photo album. Even before he opened it, Rafael knew it would be filled with pictures of him skating. He took a deep breath and looked upon the memories of his much younger, and fitter, self. The boy in the photographs seemed so happy and at home on the ice. Rafael traced his finger over a shot of him in the midst of a double axel.

The apartment door opened and Rafael slammed the album shut. He mentally prepared to be completely honest with Dominick. Getting up from the couch, photo album in hand, he walked across the living area to greet his boyfriend.

“How was ice skating?”

“Great,” Dominick replied, bluntly. It was easy to see he was still in a sour mood. “You probably would have liked it if you stayed.”

Rafael stepped up to Dominick, hoping to fix the awkwardness between them. “You’re still upset with me.”

“I was looking forward to spending time with you, that’s all.” Dominick kicked off his shoes and hung up his jacket. “I thought it would be a fun date.”

“I’m sorry for what happened, today,” Rafael told Dominick, holding out the photo album. “I love you, and you deserve to know the truth.”

“What’s this?” Dominick asked, taking the album in confusion.

Rafael didn’t respond, letting the photos speak for themselves. He walked back over to the rest of his memory box and sat down on the couch. He took in Dominick’s surprised expression as his boyfriend joined him.

“This is you? You used to skate?” Dominick flipped to another page, taking it all in. “I thought you hated sports.”

“I couldn’t hit a ball or score a touchdown, but I could skate with the best of them. Probably because it was just me and not a team thing,” Rafael told him, quietly. He shuffled closer to Dominick, looking at the photo of a particularly great memory. “That picture was from when I got third place in Boston. The first time I hit a triple lutz in competition and abuelita got it on film. It was a lot of work to get me to that competition, but we made it, even if my mother wasn’t there to watch it.”

Dominick slid an arm around Rafael’s shoulders, pulling him closer. “Sounds like you were aiming for the Olympics.”

“I wouldn’t go that far,” Rafael sniffed out a melancholy laugh at the memories. “But I did love to skate.”

Dominick put the album on the coffee table, turning his full attention to Rafael. “So, what happened? Injury take you out?”

Rafael thought back to the evening when he knew it was all over. He had arrived home from training, on a high over nailing a complicated combination. Delight made way for dread the second he spotted his enraged father. The man was holding a scrapbook in one hand and one of Rafael’s costumes in the other. Rafael shook away the memory before it could play out.

“My father found out.”

Dominick paused for a moment. He began to scratch lightly up and down Rafael’s back to provide some comfort. “He didn’t know you skated?”

“Please, he would never let me do something he considered so girly.” Rafael shut his eyes as tears threatened to escape once more. He hung his head, finally revealing his story to Dominick. “It started with my mother and grandparents sneaking me to the rink every now and again. Because I was a natural, I attracted attention. Before I knew it, I was at the rink before and after school with a coach, working on tricks.”

“How did he find out?” Dominick enquired, leaning to try and meet Rafael’s eyes.

“We never really knew. I suppose, after getting away with it for so long, we got careless about hiding it. People started talking.” Rafael’s voice trembled as he continued. “Dad found one of my costumes and my mother’s secret scrapbook, where she kept my certificates. He made me burn them and… let’s just say he didn’t take too kindly to the whole thing.”

Rafael snuggled up to Dominick, burying his head in his boyfriend’s chest. He felt a pair of lean, strong arms embracing him. Rafael listened to Dominick’s heart beat in his ears, feeling safe in his vulnerability. The soothing rhythm helped to chase away visions of the trash can fire and the subsequent beating.

Dominick peppered kisses along Rafael’s hairline. “Why didn’t you tell me all this before? You know you can tell me anything, Rafi.”

“It’s not exactly something you can bring up in every day conversation,” Rafael explained. He gestured to the box in front of them. “This is the stuff Abuelita managed to stash away for me. Mama kept it after she passed away. I haven’t looked at it much until now.”

Dominick turned Rafael’s face, so their eyes met. “I’m sorry your old man took away something you loved. And I’m sorry I pushed you today. You are the most important person in my life,” he said in earnest before pressing a kiss to Rafael’s lips. “It would have been amazing to see you skate. Maybe, one day, you’ll enjoy it like you used to.”

A smile came to Rafael’s face. He began to feel a little better. “Well, there appears to be a few video tapes in here.” He reached into the box and pulled out two of them. “Though the video probably isn’t top quality and we don’t have a VCR, anyway.”

“The precinct does. How about a private viewing party when you’re free?” Dominick suggested. “Unless, it’s too much for you. If you’re not ready, I won’t watch it.”

Rafael sighed, knowing that Dominick was going to see the tapes, eventually. He, too, would have to face the past, no matter how painful. It was more appealing to do it with Dominick than go it alone. A part of Rafael hoped that seeing himself figure skating would reawaken his long forgotten love for the ice.

“To be clear, it’s just the two of us. Not even Liv.”

Dominick held up his hand to indicate a promise. Noticing the lilac costume, he picked it up and studied it. “Do you ever think about what might have been?”

The life of an athlete did have a certain appeal to it. However, Rafael didn’t miss the intensive training sessions, which only would have increased. While he hated his father for ruining figure skating, Rafael knew the path he had taken was a good one. The life he had built as a prosecutor, with Dominick by his side, was not something he would trade.

“It has crossed my mind on rare occasions,” Rafael admitted as he moved to straddle Dominick’s lap. “But then I wouldn’t have you, mi corazón. And I can eat whatever I want, this way.”

Rafael wrapped his arms around Dominick’s shoulders, pulling his boyfriend in for a passionate kiss. He never thought it would be so freeing to share his hidden past with someone. When Dominick’s tongue danced with his, happiness filled Rafael. It felt like he was flying through the air.


End file.
